My Past

Well, I managed to talk to Karissa today... I was shaking, I was really scared... Cause I had no idea how she was going to react. I managed to tell her about my past relationships, my summer and I felt like it is my fault in not talking to my friend.. Before he killed himself...

Past Relationships, oh how I loath them!! They are my mistakes that I have made, and I now wished that they wouldn't have happened, but now that I look back, I still think that everything happens for a reason... About one year ago today, there was one girl who "supposedly" loved me so much that she would never hurt me, even though that she decided to use me... For three weeks, she wanted me to take her to and from school from her house. and never had tome for me, but one of the things that really gets me, was that she decided to pull something over me that I thought she would never do to me..
It has been three weeks since I have seen her at the time, let alone talk to her. so it might has well be ages since I have heard from her. Well one night I was eating dinner with my parents, and I got a text from her, so I am excited, as always. but the text read "Would you stay the night with me if I asked you to?" so this was coming from a guy who's excited, I told her of vourse, why do you ask? All she said was that she was just wondering... So I proceeded to ask "When do you plan this?" Now, before I go on, have you heard the saying Curiosity killed the cat"? Well that statement is VERY true. Her answer to my question, "NEVER".
Is that not just horrible? All this time she made me think that she loved me, right then and there I knew she never did really love me. She just wanted to use me and planned to lead me on... Well I wasn't having that no more... It has been almost a year since I've talked to her, and I don't plan on it either..
My second past realtionship wasn't any better. All I was was a dog on a short leash.. I had to call at a certain time, if I didn't I got yelled at, if I didn't text her at the time she wanted me to, she would yell at me, and if I wasn't home by the time she told me to, I would get yelled at, and she would yell at me for talking to firends and not her... She was a control freak and I was not going to deal with that either.

My summer was going great, I was happy, I didn't need to worry about anything. Until May, that was when I found out my grandpa fell and broke his hip, from the joint and into the femer. Little did I know that that wasn't the end of it. The day before his birthday he collapsed. The doctors at Mayse County hospital stated that he had no blood in him, and they couldn't find where the blood was going. It was later confirmed that he was bleeding through his bouls (the place where we have to take a duce) So they transferred him to St. Johns Hospital, where they pernounced him dead, the only thing that was keeping him alive was life support, and the heart medicine that made his heart beat... He made a huge turn around, he was able to make it and stay with us for a while longer, but since he got out of the Hospital and lived for one more month... I still think that if a certain someone would have done there job, my grandpa would still be here today. But they were too lazy to even do that... To this day I am not happy with her, I know I am suppose to forgive and forget, but that is not working out...

I also wish I could have talked to my best friend before he killed himself, but I didn't. All that time I could have help change his mind. Atleast I hope that I could have? I honestly don't know. Now you know why I feel like it was my fault, beacause I didn't try to talk to him... he was my little brother that I help teach from write from wrong.. But I guess my influence wasn't enough. I just wish that I could have gone back and talk to him about itm hoping I could just tell him that its the biggest mistake that he will ever make in his life, but what could would that have done? To answer that truthfully, I have no clue..

I guess in conclution, I am glad that Karissa was the first person to know about this... I am taking a chance in telling about my past, even though that it still hurts to know that I could have helped others in some way, shape or form. Karissa, I am really greatful to have to in my life, and teach me how to trust again... I love you so much for that! And someday, just someday, you will be able to tell me your past too. =]