Well, it has been a while since I wrote anything, but since I can't sleep, I might as well write something. The past couple weeks have been great, I couldn't ask for more, but there is someone who is still trying to contact me, and I don't want her to contact me at all! She is the one to where she used me to get her to and from school, and she was excited to spend time with her family, and not me... Well now, all she wants is to have me back.. And it is starting to upset me, I normally don't let anything upset me anymore, I just shake it off ad move on, but knowing that she won't give up is going to upset me more. I want to tell her to just back off and leave me alone, KuB mich am Arsech! (Don't ask, I am not translating.) I have found my someone, and she has lost her chance, All I have to say is this, "If she really cared about me in the first place, then she would have done everything in the WORLD to keep me." That is her fault not mine.
I know for a fact that Karissa will talk to me about (almost) anything, but I don't push her to talk, she can talk whenever she wants too. I care abou her so much that I would do anything for her, even if it means having to stay on campus to comfort her when she is upset about something. I just get these feelings that something is wrong, not all the time though. It is normally after she has a stressful and/or a bad day and my initial reaction to that is to hold her, comfort her and tell her that everything will be okay, I stress the words "will be" a lot, cause everthing that has happened before just seems to come back and bite her, it reall upsets her when everything is going good and somethin just HAS to get in her way, Well that's what I am here for. I am here for her to talk to me when she wants to, and she don't have to worry about anything, I have an open mind to everythng and I really want to help her make it through the tough times. She means everything to me, and I will not let anyone or anything stop me.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
May through June - 2010
Well, it has been a while since I have been on here... Just a little over two months. These last two months of summer vacation from school? Sucks! Oh wait, let me rephrase that; SUCKED! Yeah, I think that fits better.
Let me start from the begging, the summer before my Senior year, we found out that my grandma had Cancer. This was the hardest thing that I had to take, which really made me realize that I had to be strong for my family. So, we got a "family friend" to be their care-giver. Mom has been been working for the school while I am still in school. Even though mom might have been busy, but we still managed to get grandma and grandpa involved with everything we can. Two months into my senior year, On October 6, 2oo8 my grandma passed away. That was the hardest thing that I had to deal with. But I managed to handle my anger and frustration in football practice, which I really needed, those guys were my second family. After that, their care-giver, went to SHIT!! The house was clean up until grandma died, but after she died, the house started to get cluddered, nasty and just straight up horrible. This house was my stomping grounds, I grew up in that house, and to see it like that just sickens me to the core!
The care-giver is a horder in other words, she would be in the back room instead being in the front room with my grandma and grandpa at the time, why am I telling you all this? It all started when I found out that my grandpa fell and broke his hip! If she was in the front room instead of being in the back room, she could have prevented those falls. What makes me even madder, was that he fell two or three times BEFORE that! I was shocked, upset, annoyed, ticked, any other word that you can think about, all because I did NOT know that he has fallen that many times! So, we got him to the hospital, and they performed sergery to repair the hip.. He stayed in the hospital for two weeks, then was released to the nursing home in his home town. There was another event that has happend and I don't feel like explaining, cause I will just get upset to the point I will cry.
While all of this was happening, the care-giver and her DAUGHTER, stayed in the house, and it just gotten worse, it made me sick. It was so bad, that Roaches were all over the house. But we ignored that because we got grandpa home finally, about a month later after the second event, My Grandpa, Philip Otis Leonard, passed away at the age of 89 years and one month. This just killed me, I had to deal with having to go through his house, to find stuff that we should take... I found his cane that I bought him... (pause for a little bit of crying) Then I had to find the white suit that he loved to wear, so that he could be baried in it... There are so many memories in that house that I just miss how it looked; it was clean a tone of room to be able to walk around in, not having to worry about tripping over anything, Well those memories are gone.... Because the house is vertually distroyed! THANKS TO THE DAMN CARE-GIVER AND HER DAMN DAUGHTER! The house hasn't been clean for almost two years! I am sick of their LAZY ASSES! The care-giver is a hypocondrac, and her daughter is a WHORE!!! DON'T ASK! I'll only get pissed off more! (takes a deep breath and tries to calm down)
It is currently Wednesday July 21, and on Sunday July 25, Operation, Remove the Hermit, horders, hypocondriac and whore, will be taking place. I would just love to move there shit out of the house, and be able to tell them to get the hell out of the house... Then, I would be at peace, and very relieved, to know that the two most horrible, lazy, hypocondractic people will me out of my grandparents house...
I know I am a horrible person to say that, but I wanted to leave you with this question; would you want two people like that to come in, and just destroy your house like they did my grandparents house? Would you? Email me with your responces at house_of_dragons@hotmail.com. Peace, love, and blessings to you all!
Let me start from the begging, the summer before my Senior year, we found out that my grandma had Cancer. This was the hardest thing that I had to take, which really made me realize that I had to be strong for my family. So, we got a "family friend" to be their care-giver. Mom has been been working for the school while I am still in school. Even though mom might have been busy, but we still managed to get grandma and grandpa involved with everything we can. Two months into my senior year, On October 6, 2oo8 my grandma passed away. That was the hardest thing that I had to deal with. But I managed to handle my anger and frustration in football practice, which I really needed, those guys were my second family. After that, their care-giver, went to SHIT!! The house was clean up until grandma died, but after she died, the house started to get cluddered, nasty and just straight up horrible. This house was my stomping grounds, I grew up in that house, and to see it like that just sickens me to the core!
The care-giver is a horder in other words, she would be in the back room instead being in the front room with my grandma and grandpa at the time, why am I telling you all this? It all started when I found out that my grandpa fell and broke his hip! If she was in the front room instead of being in the back room, she could have prevented those falls. What makes me even madder, was that he fell two or three times BEFORE that! I was shocked, upset, annoyed, ticked, any other word that you can think about, all because I did NOT know that he has fallen that many times! So, we got him to the hospital, and they performed sergery to repair the hip.. He stayed in the hospital for two weeks, then was released to the nursing home in his home town. There was another event that has happend and I don't feel like explaining, cause I will just get upset to the point I will cry.
While all of this was happening, the care-giver and her DAUGHTER, stayed in the house, and it just gotten worse, it made me sick. It was so bad, that Roaches were all over the house. But we ignored that because we got grandpa home finally, about a month later after the second event, My Grandpa, Philip Otis Leonard, passed away at the age of 89 years and one month. This just killed me, I had to deal with having to go through his house, to find stuff that we should take... I found his cane that I bought him... (pause for a little bit of crying) Then I had to find the white suit that he loved to wear, so that he could be baried in it... There are so many memories in that house that I just miss how it looked; it was clean a tone of room to be able to walk around in, not having to worry about tripping over anything, Well those memories are gone.... Because the house is vertually distroyed! THANKS TO THE DAMN CARE-GIVER AND HER DAMN DAUGHTER! The house hasn't been clean for almost two years! I am sick of their LAZY ASSES! The care-giver is a hypocondrac, and her daughter is a WHORE!!! DON'T ASK! I'll only get pissed off more! (takes a deep breath and tries to calm down)
It is currently Wednesday July 21, and on Sunday July 25, Operation, Remove the Hermit, horders, hypocondriac and whore, will be taking place. I would just love to move there shit out of the house, and be able to tell them to get the hell out of the house... Then, I would be at peace, and very relieved, to know that the two most horrible, lazy, hypocondractic people will me out of my grandparents house...
I know I am a horrible person to say that, but I wanted to leave you with this question; would you want two people like that to come in, and just destroy your house like they did my grandparents house? Would you? Email me with your responces at house_of_dragons@hotmail.com. Peace, love, and blessings to you all!
My Past
Well, I managed to talk to Karissa today... I was shaking, I was really scared... Cause I had no idea how she was going to react. I managed to tell her about my past relationships, my summer and I felt like it is my fault in not talking to my friend.. Before he killed himself...
Past Relationships, oh how I loath them!! They are my mistakes that I have made, and I now wished that they wouldn't have happened, but now that I look back, I still think that everything happens for a reason... About one year ago today, there was one girl who "supposedly" loved me so much that she would never hurt me, even though that she decided to use me... For three weeks, she wanted me to take her to and from school from her house. and never had tome for me, but one of the things that really gets me, was that she decided to pull something over me that I thought she would never do to me..
It has been three weeks since I have seen her at the time, let alone talk to her. so it might has well be ages since I have heard from her. Well one night I was eating dinner with my parents, and I got a text from her, so I am excited, as always. but the text read "Would you stay the night with me if I asked you to?" so this was coming from a guy who's excited, I told her of vourse, why do you ask? All she said was that she was just wondering... So I proceeded to ask "When do you plan this?" Now, before I go on, have you heard the saying Curiosity killed the cat"? Well that statement is VERY true. Her answer to my question, "NEVER".
Is that not just horrible? All this time she made me think that she loved me, right then and there I knew she never did really love me. She just wanted to use me and planned to lead me on... Well I wasn't having that no more... It has been almost a year since I've talked to her, and I don't plan on it either..
My second past realtionship wasn't any better. All I was was a dog on a short leash.. I had to call at a certain time, if I didn't I got yelled at, if I didn't text her at the time she wanted me to, she would yell at me, and if I wasn't home by the time she told me to, I would get yelled at, and she would yell at me for talking to firends and not her... She was a control freak and I was not going to deal with that either.
My summer was going great, I was happy, I didn't need to worry about anything. Until May, that was when I found out my grandpa fell and broke his hip, from the joint and into the femer. Little did I know that that wasn't the end of it. The day before his birthday he collapsed. The doctors at Mayse County hospital stated that he had no blood in him, and they couldn't find where the blood was going. It was later confirmed that he was bleeding through his bouls (the place where we have to take a duce) So they transferred him to St. Johns Hospital, where they pernounced him dead, the only thing that was keeping him alive was life support, and the heart medicine that made his heart beat... He made a huge turn around, he was able to make it and stay with us for a while longer, but since he got out of the Hospital and lived for one more month... I still think that if a certain someone would have done there job, my grandpa would still be here today. But they were too lazy to even do that... To this day I am not happy with her, I know I am suppose to forgive and forget, but that is not working out...
I also wish I could have talked to my best friend before he killed himself, but I didn't. All that time I could have help change his mind. Atleast I hope that I could have? I honestly don't know. Now you know why I feel like it was my fault, beacause I didn't try to talk to him... he was my little brother that I help teach from write from wrong.. But I guess my influence wasn't enough. I just wish that I could have gone back and talk to him about itm hoping I could just tell him that its the biggest mistake that he will ever make in his life, but what could would that have done? To answer that truthfully, I have no clue..
I guess in conclution, I am glad that Karissa was the first person to know about this... I am taking a chance in telling about my past, even though that it still hurts to know that I could have helped others in some way, shape or form. Karissa, I am really greatful to have to in my life, and teach me how to trust again... I love you so much for that! And someday, just someday, you will be able to tell me your past too. =]
Past Relationships, oh how I loath them!! They are my mistakes that I have made, and I now wished that they wouldn't have happened, but now that I look back, I still think that everything happens for a reason... About one year ago today, there was one girl who "supposedly" loved me so much that she would never hurt me, even though that she decided to use me... For three weeks, she wanted me to take her to and from school from her house. and never had tome for me, but one of the things that really gets me, was that she decided to pull something over me that I thought she would never do to me..
It has been three weeks since I have seen her at the time, let alone talk to her. so it might has well be ages since I have heard from her. Well one night I was eating dinner with my parents, and I got a text from her, so I am excited, as always. but the text read "Would you stay the night with me if I asked you to?" so this was coming from a guy who's excited, I told her of vourse, why do you ask? All she said was that she was just wondering... So I proceeded to ask "When do you plan this?" Now, before I go on, have you heard the saying Curiosity killed the cat"? Well that statement is VERY true. Her answer to my question, "NEVER".
Is that not just horrible? All this time she made me think that she loved me, right then and there I knew she never did really love me. She just wanted to use me and planned to lead me on... Well I wasn't having that no more... It has been almost a year since I've talked to her, and I don't plan on it either..
My second past realtionship wasn't any better. All I was was a dog on a short leash.. I had to call at a certain time, if I didn't I got yelled at, if I didn't text her at the time she wanted me to, she would yell at me, and if I wasn't home by the time she told me to, I would get yelled at, and she would yell at me for talking to firends and not her... She was a control freak and I was not going to deal with that either.
My summer was going great, I was happy, I didn't need to worry about anything. Until May, that was when I found out my grandpa fell and broke his hip, from the joint and into the femer. Little did I know that that wasn't the end of it. The day before his birthday he collapsed. The doctors at Mayse County hospital stated that he had no blood in him, and they couldn't find where the blood was going. It was later confirmed that he was bleeding through his bouls (the place where we have to take a duce) So they transferred him to St. Johns Hospital, where they pernounced him dead, the only thing that was keeping him alive was life support, and the heart medicine that made his heart beat... He made a huge turn around, he was able to make it and stay with us for a while longer, but since he got out of the Hospital and lived for one more month... I still think that if a certain someone would have done there job, my grandpa would still be here today. But they were too lazy to even do that... To this day I am not happy with her, I know I am suppose to forgive and forget, but that is not working out...
I also wish I could have talked to my best friend before he killed himself, but I didn't. All that time I could have help change his mind. Atleast I hope that I could have? I honestly don't know. Now you know why I feel like it was my fault, beacause I didn't try to talk to him... he was my little brother that I help teach from write from wrong.. But I guess my influence wasn't enough. I just wish that I could have gone back and talk to him about itm hoping I could just tell him that its the biggest mistake that he will ever make in his life, but what could would that have done? To answer that truthfully, I have no clue..
I guess in conclution, I am glad that Karissa was the first person to know about this... I am taking a chance in telling about my past, even though that it still hurts to know that I could have helped others in some way, shape or form. Karissa, I am really greatful to have to in my life, and teach me how to trust again... I love you so much for that! And someday, just someday, you will be able to tell me your past too. =]
Monday, October 11, 2010
(Insert Title Here)
Answer me this question... How many people do you think in this world think that they can just text, or tell someone to there face that they have NO SELF MORALS?!?! What is the point if telling someone that?? That is something that really dispise about people... They think that they are Even all mighty and that their oppinion is the only one that matters... It makes me sick!!
Just a while ago, there was someone that texted me, I never talk to this person cause they never text back, so I just gave up all together. This person asked me what I was doing, so I politly told them that I was eating dinner... Little did I know that I was going to get yelled at for what I was eating. All this person could do was "yell" at me for getting a burgure from McDonald's, yes it is bad if you have it CONSTANTLY, but I only had it once this month, so they go on a yelling spree, in quote "That right there is the reason why you are a FAT A**! You have no self worth or morals for yourself, you can just go ahead and have a heart attack for all I care!!" In my opinion, that was harsh, made me feel bad about myself, yes I have had problems in the past about letting things go, but I have got to start learning sometime or another. I still have a hard time letting things go from the summer after I graduated High School, that was two years ago! But I am slowly starting to let everything go and not let anything stop me from progressing, Though I have a hard time talking about it in front of people. Especially in front of Karissa, I know that she is having hard times every now and again, but I don't want to add any more pressure on to her than what she has. My plan is to help her move on from everything in the past, and maybe, just maybe, if I am able to help her, I can get myself to let go of everything. I trust her so much, but there are just somethings that I am afraid to talk to her about.. My past relationships is one of them. I would start talking about how this person would have treated me, but I would stop in mid-sentance and just drop it right then and there... I really need to stop doing that, cause she has the right to know about my past... But that is if she wants to know, she already told me that it is up to me if I want to tell her...
So, I guess what I am trying to ask is, What should I do? What do I need to know/learn? Is there something that I have missed in the past years? These questions still lengar in my head and I don't have any answers for myself. I know that if someone is degrading me, just sing a song in my head and just shake it off, but the others? I just don't know... Maybe if I can talk to Karissa about it, I could find the answers I am looking for and be able to just forget everything and start over.
Just a while ago, there was someone that texted me, I never talk to this person cause they never text back, so I just gave up all together. This person asked me what I was doing, so I politly told them that I was eating dinner... Little did I know that I was going to get yelled at for what I was eating. All this person could do was "yell" at me for getting a burgure from McDonald's, yes it is bad if you have it CONSTANTLY, but I only had it once this month, so they go on a yelling spree, in quote "That right there is the reason why you are a FAT A**! You have no self worth or morals for yourself, you can just go ahead and have a heart attack for all I care!!" In my opinion, that was harsh, made me feel bad about myself, yes I have had problems in the past about letting things go, but I have got to start learning sometime or another. I still have a hard time letting things go from the summer after I graduated High School, that was two years ago! But I am slowly starting to let everything go and not let anything stop me from progressing, Though I have a hard time talking about it in front of people. Especially in front of Karissa, I know that she is having hard times every now and again, but I don't want to add any more pressure on to her than what she has. My plan is to help her move on from everything in the past, and maybe, just maybe, if I am able to help her, I can get myself to let go of everything. I trust her so much, but there are just somethings that I am afraid to talk to her about.. My past relationships is one of them. I would start talking about how this person would have treated me, but I would stop in mid-sentance and just drop it right then and there... I really need to stop doing that, cause she has the right to know about my past... But that is if she wants to know, she already told me that it is up to me if I want to tell her...
So, I guess what I am trying to ask is, What should I do? What do I need to know/learn? Is there something that I have missed in the past years? These questions still lengar in my head and I don't have any answers for myself. I know that if someone is degrading me, just sing a song in my head and just shake it off, but the others? I just don't know... Maybe if I can talk to Karissa about it, I could find the answers I am looking for and be able to just forget everything and start over.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
My first Blog.. (This should be interesting)
Well what do you know. I have a new blogging site.. Who would have known? Well obviousely Karissa did. Yes, my Girlfriend got me into this site instead of my old site. Considering the other site my blogs never got looked at. Which makes me mad cause I wanted to get my thoughts out! That site is an EPIC FAIL!!! (I seem to be useing those two words a lot now.)
Well, That is all I have for now. But I will eventually!
Well, That is all I have for now. But I will eventually!
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