Worse Week Ever..

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it.. RECAP: Manged to find someone that likes me over the summer, didn't know how to tell them. When I did? It went well.. And all was well, right? WRONG!

The past week was HELL! Period! No questions asked. It really just.. I don't know, I'm tired of getting hurt. Why is it, every time, I find someone that I care about, that turn around and just decided that they feel nothing more than friends, or they're not ready, (no offence to anyone who may read this.) but seriously!? GOSH! I really wish that someone would just take me for me and not make me cry.. have I mentioned that I've been crying for the past week? Oh My GOSH! I forgot to mention that!? HA!

So, question; what do you do AFTER you break up with someone? Not talk to them? Try to talk to them? Consult with them? ANYTHING!? Well, I've been IGNORED for the past week and I just want to talk to her. But she's refusing to (At least that's what it feels like). I'm literally on the edge of just quitting. I'm serious. Why try to love when all you get is thrown out like trash, well, some of them are like that. But what does a guy have to do to just find that someone? Really.. Answer me that. What DO girls WANT from a guy? Possible Answer? "They like the chase." *points to the quote* Anyone believe that? What does it mean? It means that girls would rather chase after the boys who are hard to get than rather than deal with the nice guys like me! GAH! *Punches wall* That's all I'm getting out of all this. And I just wish that there some reason why I can't seem to hold a relationship longer than three months. I. DISLIKE. BEING. ALONE!

On a final Note. I'm done with dating for now. Good luck trying to get me to open to you, cause I'm locking my feelings away unless you find the key... And I'm not telling you where it is either....

So... Here I am after what seems to be a while and quite frankly it has been... The past couple of weeks have been, unexplainable.. That is all I have been able to just say about it.. The first reason was because all of the questions I have been left with questions since "that day"(that is all I am saying about it) that I have not been able to answer any of them.. I have turned to god to help me figure them out but patients is what I have to master at this time.. I just wish that this feeling would just go away and leave me alone but that is also wishful thinking.. Everything just seemed to backfire on me.. I hate it when that happens.. but as they say everything happens for a reason.. I want to know those reasons when I was perfectly happy, now I am just sitting here thinking again. That is not healthy for me cause it brings me down when I can't figure anything out.. I guess these things will come eventually...

Absents makes the Heart grow fonder.

  So.. It has been a while since I have written anything on here.. Let a lone have anything to say. but there has been something that is on my mind.. I really miss someone. And that someone is Karissa. I really wish that I would have us time back.. We haven't seen each other or talk to each other in a while, but of course it is the start of the semester and we are going to be busy. But I can't help not missing her.. She's amazing and I would do anything in the world for her. I would literally jump in front of a train for this girl.. I love her too much to lose her and everyday that we are apart I feel like we are taking a step away from each other, I feel so parinoid when I think about this I get to almost to the point of tears about it, but I keep reminding myself about a saying the my Grandpa told me "Absents makes the heart grow fonder" with this I think about her all the time and I am so glad that I have her in my life, she has helped me move on from my past and I plan on doing the same for her. I want to be the person who would make her happy no matter what the problem or the situation is, I want to be that shield that protects her, I really don't like watching her hurt, that is what really gets me. Seeing HER hurting, and knowing she is hurting takes a toll on me. I just seem to get these feelings when I just talk to her, it's like I know when when she is trying to hide she is upset but I know she is. For example over Christmas; we went to dinner with her step mom and her dad, it was her early birthday dinner and we had fun, afterworlds we went to the Christmas Parade, until she got a phone call.. The second she answered it, I knew something was wrong, she attempted to hide it after but it didn't work well with me. Just seeing her that way made me upset, So we attempted to talk about it and I think it was successful. I got her to smile and laugh, which means I did what I was suppose to do, which made me feel better.

  So in conclution, I hope I get to have our time together soon and go on a date.. Which I will plan, she is going to be surprised when I pull it off.. =]